Our approach to finances is heavily dependent on the patterns we have learned at home, our beliefs, values, our religion, even our personality traits (especially the level of neuroticism vs mental resilience and our level of diligence).
According to Piotr Łabuz, psychologist and expert in financial coaching, the most frequent sources of emotional crises due to finances are caused by:
Inability to satisfy your basic needs and/or higher-level needs
Our perception of basic needs can vary significantly. Some people will consider certain foods to be a basic need, others will say it’s a new model of iPhone... If your partner has a completely different perception of what is indispensable for living and what can be given up, then it can be a source of serious problems in your relationship.
Fear of getting into debt or going bankrupt
And the threat does not actually need to be real. Your financial standing can be excellent and you can still live in fear of debt. I actually had a client once who had considerable assets in his bank account and several apartments for rent, yet when he lost his job, he was terrified that he would go bankrupt. Even though he could live on his savings for years, which he himself admitted. He couldn’t really explain why he was in such a panic when, objectively speaking, other people could be envious of his financial cushion.
Fear of losing your money
Even if, objectively speaking, such a loss is highly unlikely or will not significantly deteriorate the financial standing of a given person and his or her family. Let’s imagine that one person in a relationship keeps worrying that he or she will get robbed, that there will be hyper inflation or a crash on the stock exchange, or that the employer will not pay his or her salary, you name it. While each such situation may occur and you need to account for it in your long-term finance management, excessive worrying over such things can effectively make life difficult both for the worrier and his or her family members, especially when the worrier keeps bombarding his or her loved ones with his or hear fears and constant whining.
Fear of losing your social status
Especially when you have built your position based on your wealth or when you believe that you can earn respect or happiness only if you have money. Conflicts between partners can arise when one person spends too much money, for example, he or she wants to have a more expensive house, a better car or designer clothes only to impress others, although he or she cannot actually afford such things. It can actually happen that such a person will get into debt because he or she wants to maintain their lifestyle, even when the financial situation of his or her family deteriorated or even if he or she couldn’t afford such a lifestyle in the first place. When the other person in the relationship finds it important to put money aside, it is only natural that they will have difficulties reaching a compromise in that aspect.
Financial instability
Such an instability occurs when periods of prosperity are followed by periods of lower liquidity. It will be particularly difficult for people who have a very strong need of security, predictability, who don’t cope with stress well and who don’t like to be out of their comfort zone.
Equating money with happiness, or the erroneous belief that your satisfaction with life must grow in proportion to your wealth
Unfortunately, it is often the case that one partner actually neglects his or her loved ones in his or her pursuit of happiness and willingness to provide his or her family with top financial status. They spend more time working or growing their assets than on their relationships. They do not notice that their family would rather have less money and more intimacy and time together.
Do you have emotional crises related to the above areas? If so, it is worth taking a closer look at those areas now and analyse how your approach to finances affects your relationships with your loved ones and other areas of your life.
